What are you thinking?
by speedracerX
Summary: What would Twilight have been like if Bella was hiding a secret at the same time that Edward was? What if her secret was a part of the reason for her leaving Phoenix? What if that secret was the real reason why Edward couldn’t read her mind?
1. Chapter 1

_What would Twilight have been like if Bella was hiding a secret at the same time that Edward was? What if her secret was a part of the reason for her leaving Phoenix? What if that secret was the real reason why Edward couldn't read her mind? _

**DISCLAIMER****: I DO NOT own Twilight or any of its characters, which is solely the property of the totally awesome Stephenie Meyer. I just really liked the story so much that I figured I'd try this on for size. **

Phoenix to Forks

The events of the past few weeks were beginning to wear me out. Renee was constantly trying to figure out what was wrong with me and if I knew I would tell her but even I wasn't sure exactly what I could do about it. The move to the Olympic Peninsula of northwest Washington State seemed the only logical next step. Strange things were happening to me here in Phoenix and with Phil's contract issues; I knew that I couldn't put my mom through too much more. I hated to burden Charlie with it but where else was I going to go with only $4,000 saved up.

The drive to the airport was long, but I tried to occupy my time by soaking in the last bits of sun that I could catch before heading to dreary Washington State. I didn't necessarily hate the idea but I knew that if I stayed life would get pretty crazy and I needed more quiet from all the hotties and the jocks in Phoenix. Plus it would be nice not to be called a freak when passing in the hallways at school. Forks would give me anonymity, a clean slate to figure out what was wrong and to find a way to deal with it. Then there was Renee, with Phil traveling so much how could I make her choose. It's not like I don't know that she loves me. I do, but I much rather see her happy and Phil makes her happy. Who am I to stop it?

The airport proved to be a huge challenge for me. One I didn't expect. All the chatter and random thoughts swirling around only seemed to intensify with each step.

"_I wonder if we should stop at the duty free shop before we board"_

"_I hope those dogs don't smell what in my bag"_

"_I am so fat…are those chocolate cupcakes?"_

I was getting a headache and I was only waiting in the terminal. Renee's thoughts were just as hard to deal with as ever. She kept flipping back and forth from being a horrible mom for letting her baby girl leave her to thinking it was the right thing to do and that it might help with all the bizarre things that had been going on. I couldn't take it anymore.

"Mom, stop" I grabbed her by the shoulders.

"What honey?"

"Stop, I know that you love me. I do, this is more for me to figure out what's wrong." At least I hoped it would fix things. Most writers go to some wooded area to clear their heads, that's pretty much what this would be.

"I know, but do you have to go now? It's the middle of the school year and things aren't that bad…are they" Tears were welling up in her eyes.

"Mom" I sighed, pulling her into a hug, I silently hoped that she would get over this or at least ok with it.

_**Gate announcement: Final boarding call for Northwest flight 423 to Washington**_

"I love you Bella. You know that don't you?" She said. "Mom of course I know that, and I love you too. I have to get on the plane." I figured grabbing my bags would help move things along. "I gotta go". Renee gave me one last squeeze as I pulled away to board the plane.

I turned around one last time. I mouthed the words "I love you, Mom" and then hurried on.

I couldn't seem to shake my headache the entire flight. People's random thoughts were looming around and it made my head hurt, babies crying and some of the vilest thoughts you would imagine coming from an old lady. If I hadn't heard it myself I wouldn't have believed it. The flight felt as if it might never end. I just needed quiet and peace so I could think this through. I barely noticed when the plane began its decent. If it weren't for my ears popping, I might not have noticed til we were on the ground. I tried for the umpteenth time to clear my head of all the noise, focusing instead on what I would do to figure this out. I made a list in my head of things to try

Register for school

Hit the library for some research

Internet search

If that fails, there is always the nearby University library

Learn to control it!!!

I had a lot to think about, the best part of it is that Charlie is loner. It makes sorting through this mess much easier without him breathing down my neck. I'm far from looking forward to the bad weather in Forks, but I need real answers and there were far too many distractions in Phoenix to make any progress there. I had to come up with a strategy. As it stood, this thing caused some pretty major headaches literally and figuratively. Somehow, I was hearing the thoughts of those around me and somehow it played in stereophonic sound in my head. It started out so subtle that I thought I was just imagining it. My teacher Ms. Bilus had just asked a question about Romeo's loyalty to Juliet, when I could have sworn the guy sitting next to me blurted out that Ms. Bilus had a great rack. I was so appalled that I actually whipped my head around and looked at him with raised eyebrows. He just stared back at me like I had fourteen heads. That same day, I was on the way home and stopped at a red light when a car pulled up next to me, with the music blaring. I was busy trying to avoid eye contact when I heard clear as day over the music "Yea cutie come on look this way!" I couldn't resist looking over at the car; of course it was a gross middle aged, half balding guy. The whole thing was getting to be too much. As the days went on, I found myself answering people's questions without them having even asked them. I knew that things were off but I couldn't make it stop. If I walked into the cafeteria, I had to deal with the noise and the actual thoughts behind the noise. Forks was a chance for me to hide out at least for a little while.

All that was left was enduring the drive with Charlie. It's harder than it sounds, especially when you know what he's thinking.


	2. Chapter 2

_What would Twilight have been like if Bella was hiding a secret at the same time that Edward was? What if her secret was a part of the reason for her leaving Phoenix? What if that secret was the real reason why Edward couldn't read her mind? _

**DISCLAIMER****: I DO NOT own Twilight or any of its characters, which is solely the property of the totally awesome Stephenie Meyer. I just really liked the story so much that I figured I'd try this on for size. If you have any ideas that you might like to see added to the story drop me a line. Extra special Thanks to everyone that enjoyed it, you kept me from completely burning my book…**

**2. Charlie **

The drive to Charlie's house, correct that my new prison was amiable at best. Charlie's a man of few words, no more than about 20 or so to be exact.

"Hey Isabella" he said as I stepped into arrivals.

I sighed as I noticed (so did he) that he yet again called me Isabella.

"_Great Charlie, the girl hates you as it is and there you go calling her Isabella"_

"Hey, its nothing, I…don't mind." I gave him an awkward hug; neither of us was big on PDA's.

_At least she forgave me for that one. Don't mess up. Don't mess up. _

"How'd" He shook his head. "Sorry Bella. Here let me take that" as he took one of my duffle bags from my shoulder and began leading me out of the terminal.

"It's raining out there Bells, you have an umbrella?" Ugghhh, I already missed the sun and I haven't even been here a full 24 hrs. "No, I have a hood on my parka. I'll be fine." We headed toward the cruiser. Yes, the ugly police cruiser complete with overhead lights. Now all he needed was a neon sign to let everyone know that I was here.

The roads were slick and the rain came down in even sheets against the window. A steady hum from the windshield wipers filled the silence between us. Charlie attempted to make small talk but neither of us wanted to say anything to upset the other.

"Excited about starting school tomorrow?"

"Sure" I sounded non-committal even to myself.

"I got a surprise for you" _Car_..No way could the gods be smiling on me?

"You got me a car?! I..I don't know what to say?"

"H…Thanks'll do. Don't get too excited, It's an older model, but it runs good."

"Thanks. I appreciate it" I was a little bummed that it was a bit older until I saw the image of it in Charlie's mind. Things were looking up and maybe school wouldn't be so bad.

As we finally turned on to the road that led to the house, I noticed that things had begun to get quiet. In a sense at least, the only major babble was coming from Charlie. He was mulling over what we could have for dinner.

"Ch-dad, I'm not hungry, so make whatever you want" I was kicking myself for that minor slip up. I hoped he didn't catch it. My traitor mouth had gotten me into trouble though; he caught it, lucky for me he decided to ignore it.

"I have to get used to this, Renee said that things were a bit strange, but I hadn't expected it to be this way. You okay with it?" He had pulled into the front drive and began unloading 1 of my 4 bags from the trunk.

"I guess, I don't really have a choice. It is worse in more crowded areas. Focusing when its in full gear is hard, but don't worry about me. I'll be fine." I tried to give him my bravest face. His face said that he brought it. His body language too, but his first thought betrayed him and let me know that he wasn't as sure.

Entering the house was like going back in time. The walls were the same color as was the furniture and the pictures. The pictures were even harder to stomach, it was like my life played out on film but only focusing on all my awkward stages. Charlie carried my things upstairs to my room. As I stepped across the threshold I took in the coloring of the walls and the curtains in the window. The room, as was the whole house, screamed comfort. I thanked Charlie for helping me with my things and promised to come down once I got settled in. A few moments later the sounds of a baseball game in progress let me know that I likely wouldn't have to deal with him for the rest of the night.

I put all my stuff away and thought about sending an email to Renee just to let her know that I arrived safely. As ancient as the computer on my desk was I knew that I better try now while the rain was light, connections out here were never stable. Waiting for the screen to boot up, I dug through my sack and pulled out one of my notebooks. I'd been writing less and less these days, and most of my essays were back in Phoenix. I wrote down my mental list and then lay across my bed. The smell of my grandma's quilt wafted up and put me a little bit more at ease. I closed my eyes and tried to enjoy the silence that I was experiencing. Not having a ton of people's thoughts in your mind was much better. I thought about how I would handle school and what my plans would be for cafeteria time, which was usually the hardest for me. I was almost drifting out when there was a knock on the door.

"Hey Bells, I made a couple sandwiches. Sure you don't want one?"

"Sure, coming" I got off the bed and opened the door. Charlie had a grin on his face, that made me smile. "You had to eat sometime." I chuckled at him, walking down the stairs to the kitchen.

I sat down at the table and pulled a sandwich off the plate. Charlie poured a couple of glasses of orange juice.

"This is good" I said after a few bites.

"Thanks" Charlie's mind was torn between watching the rest of the game and sitting a few more minutes with me. I didn't want to creep him out but the chatter was beginning to make my head hurt again. "Hey let's eat in the living room?"

Relief washed over his face and he smiled, "Yeah". We collected all the dishes and walked into the living room. Charlie sat in his chair and I took a seat on the couch. Dinner went by in silence for the most part after that. I took the dishes into the kitchen and washed them. Then I went back to my room to send Renee a note.

I figured if I stuck to the basics, I might get around having to make a phone call. After a few more agonizing minutes of waiting for my email account to load; I started typing,

Mom,

I made it to Charlie's in one piece. He got me a car; at least I won't have to hitch a ride with him in the cruiser. I'm still unpacking but I will give you a call in a couple of days once I get settled at school. Don't worry about me. Oh! Don't forget to pick up your dry cleaning on Thursday. Love you and everything is fine.

Love

Bella

As the rain beat down harder on the window pane, I thought about everything and allowed myself a few tears, I only went through one box of Kleenex which was a record for me lately. I ended up crying myself to sleep that night, hoping that tomorrow would be better.

********

I woke up the next morning, stupidly thinking that I might actually catch a glimpse of the sun outside my window. Instead the thick fog hung in the air while mist enveloped everything in its path.

Charlie was already gone for the day headed to the station his family for all intents and purposes. I had just enough time to get ready and grab a breakfast bar on the way out the door. As usual I couldn't figure out what to wear, it's bad enough having to hear minds, but hearing minds that are critiquing your clothing choices was worse than embarrassing. I settled on my favorite pair of jeans, a brown v-neck sweater with a blue tank top and my boots. The weather here was bad, but I didn't need to freeze in it. I was always cold and my pale skin always betrayed that. A knot of dread was forming in my stomach making me want to ditch and run for cover in my room. I had to talk myself out of skipping twice. Meeting new people makes me nervous; they always critique you and point out all your flaws. They of course never do that to your face but their thoughts give it all away. It made me appreciate Charlie's lifestyle a little more. Being the loner that he is, he rarely has to meet new people. So he never has to go through any of this. Of course, my mind reading is a major stumbling block in why I rather not meet people now, but even before that, it was a problem for me. I'm just not big on being judged, it feels wrong and unfair somehow. The standards these people hold you to, when they can't even decide on what kind of coffee they want to order.

I hopped in my truck, ignoring some of the rust on the sides. Charlie said the tires were good, but I wouldn't chance it on these roads. Missing Phoenix and the sun I left behind, I started my engine. It roared to life and I pulled out onto the road headed for school and dreading the first day there. I was misfit before all the problems. I had a friend or two but with the distance, I knew that we wouldn't keep in touch. That's part of the trouble with a clean slate, figuring out what you're going to dirty it up with. I chuckled to myself; I was going to need a complete overhaul.

Driving into the school parking lot, I noticed a lot of other cars were just as old as mine, encouraging but not much of a sign. The buildings were basic brick with more of a shanty feel to them than that of a school. Lots of numbering on the sides indicated which building you were in. Nice, which means they all look the same on the other side. Lots of greenery surrounded the brick edifice, making the school seem smaller than it was, at least from the parking lot.

Thankfully, there weren't that many cars in the lot, so I grabbed a spot closest to the main office so that I could avoid the mist and as many people as possible. Cutting the engine I stared at the school. 'You can always turn around' I said to myself. With what little hope I had initially being squashed; I gathered my backpack and trudged through the nasty mist to the main office. Walking through the doors I noticed posters for various events on the bulletin boards. The carpet was cheap and an off color that was more of an orange brown. Not necessarily pimp colors but really cheesy. It was warm and toasty which was a plus considering all the misty rain hampering the parking lot. The office had a cramped feeling to it; the main desk was fairly basic with a couple of wire bins with papers stacked neatly inside. There were two desks behind the main one and a fairly worn A/C in the window that had some dust on it. Conveniently behind the main desk was a rather round, older woman with carrot orange red hair. It was positioned almost like a birds nest in large ringlets that framed her plump face. She had a peach toned button down shirt that was a little tight for her frame and black plastic framed glasses that hung from a drugstore chain around her neck.

"_My, my, she does look like Renee! Charlie must be turning blue with her here…"_

Here we go I thought to myself, as I blinked to regain my annoyance at her thoughts. I just got to this town and of course, the gossips all come out for the prodigal daughter. I hold my thoughts in check as I walk the rest of the way to the main desk in the now cramped office. I of course end up stumbling over my shoelace and have to grab the edge of the counter to keep from falling.

"_Graceful she is not"_

"Hi..I'm Bella Swan. I need to pick up my course schedule."

"Why of course dear." She riffled through a stack of papers at the corner of the desk breathing fairly heavily as the minute hand ticked by on the large clock overhead. Finally, she found what she was looking for.

"Here it is. Ok so we have your course schedule and a map of the school so that you can find your way around." She passed me the papers with a small but meaty hand. "I highlighted the best routes for you so you can find your way around. Have all of your teachers sign off on this sheet and then return it to me at the end of the day." She ended with the biggest grin in ten counties after that minor pause she added "Hope you like it here in Forks"

It was my turn to smile at her, which I barely managed considering her mental assault when I entered the door. "Thanks" I took the map graciously and headed for the door. I had to admit how hot that office was when I was back in the rain. The chill hit me square in the face. I pulled up my hood and headed for class.

Apparently, I was the talk of the town. Every student I passed had some ridiculous mental image of me. I stuck out like a sore thumb and their minds showed it, some of their faces did too.

"_Wow, she is smoking hot! I hope she doesn't have a boyfriend"_

"_I would kill for her hair color but shouldn't she be more tan?"_

"_Oh man she is pretty"_

I tried to avoid eye contact; it would make my reaction and their comments a bit easier to get through. I was secretly hoping that no one approached me, but I knew that I couldn't muster a mean enough face to do the job. These people had known each other for years, most of them I didn't even interact with when I would come for vacation. I was the proverbial shiny new toy and the gawks and stares only seemed to get stronger as I made my way through the segments of Forks students. Out of the corner of my eye I noticed a shiny silver car; it sparkled in a weird way that made me look in that direction. Standing there was this group of people standing around near it. They were all majorly gorgeous more so than the people I had seen in forks so far. They were like actual live models, perfect skin, and perfect hair. One of the guys had this bronzed colored hair that was a little sloppy but almost as if it were done on purpose, he caught me staring and I quickly turned away praying that I was at a safe enough distance that they didn't see me gawking. Great, how hypocritical am I. I hate to be stared and yet here I am doing the very same thing I hate for people to do to me. I averted my eyes back to the map, building 3. Oh joy just a few more paces away. I entered the building behind two black jacketed individuals. The classroom was small and simple. I followed the lead of the two coats ahead of me and shed my jacket on a hook at the door. I took my sign in sheet to the teacher a Mr. Mason. He was short and partially balding with an overly rounded head. His tweed jacket looked like it had seen better days. He grunted and pointed to a seat toward the back of the classroom. I gratefully took my sheet and headed toward the back, no need to draw too much attention to myself. Just like everybody else folks no need to be alarmed by the mind reading freak at the back of the room. I did my best to ignore the thoughts and plowed through to the reading list. I had read most of it, Bronte, Chaucer, Faulkner, Shakespeare. Nothing too imaginative. I felt slightly bummed that I had read everything, but at least the class would be predictable. I could use that right now, I still had some of my essays from Phoenix. Maybe I could talk my mom into sending me a few of them just to get me started. Naa, she'd never agree to that. _She's not what I expected for someone from Phoenix. _Keeping the chatter out was getting a little hard to do. The bell finally rang and not a moment too soon. I was beginning to hyperventilate, my heart racing. I tried to slow my breathing so I could walk out with more confidence and less of a traitor blush on my face. This creepy looking guy with really black hair and bad skin leaned over to me , but of course I already knew what was coming next "_keep it cool man_" I tried not to wince at the image.

"Hey, your Isabella right, Isabella Swan?"

I just nodded "Bella" He was majorly friendly like an unwanted welcoming committee, brazened attacks and won't take no for an answer types. Of course the I'm curious brigade turned to look at me then. I just looked down at my desk, which all of a sudden was very interesting to look at.

"_Touchy, touchy there great if he flops I can get my shot" _

"_She's shy, I like her already, maybe she'll be my friend"_

I began stuffing books into my bag quickly, silently distracted. I would love a friend, it just didn't seem like a good time to try to have one, the problems I was having would most likely bring a slew of doctors on trying to poke me and prod me to figure out what is really wrong with my mind. Not that my mind worked right ever, but at least I couldn't hear what people were thinking. I let out a small sigh, feeling just as trapped as ever. Focusing on packing my bag seemed like the safest thing based on my last comment. Staring at the floor and not making direct eye contact helped too.

"So where's your next class?"

"Ah, I…" I pulled out my now handy class schedule and looked up at McGreasy "Government in building 5 with Jefferson"

_Great I can walk her that way it is near my class and I can get to know her better. _I tried not to smirk, but I knew the assistance would help me to draw less attention for the moment; I had to take the life line.

"Well I'm going to building 4 I could walk you over on the way. I'm Eric by the way."

I took a breathe, "Thanks I guess". Thank God he didn't try to shake my hand.

"_Oh man, he is such a troll"_

"_His class entrance isn't even that close to her's"_

I started out of the classroom just a bit weary and dreading the walk that was coming. I knew there would be stares and by the time I hit the outdoors, I almost welcomed the rain. It had picked up some since we had been inside. I was praying that he wouldn't say anything that would make me blush. Of course my feet had other ideas as I tripped. Luckily I caught myself before I took an actual spill. Darn these uncoordinated feet of mine, I am such a klutz which is why dancing is my least favorite thing to do. Way to go Bella.

"So, Arizona what's it like?" I had almost forgotten that he was there.

"It's nice, hot not sticky but dry, the suns beautiful out there." I said. Thoughts of home just seemed to make me homesick. Eric's thoughts broke through mine, "_I wonder if she's a good kisser_".

"Uhh, I have ..a..boyfriend..in…Arizona." It seemed to only make sense; this might get him off the stupid notion of trying to hook up with me.

"_Damn! I didn't think about that. Well he's there and I'm here, let's see him keep her."_

My lie was not helping me and there were at least a few more minutes of his gross droning to go. I have got to figure out what the heck is wrong with me so I can get out of this hell hole. McGreasy was wearing on my nerves and I just had no idea how much more I could take for the day, I would almost welcome lunch at the rate that I was going.


End file.
